i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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