My girlfriend figured out who you are.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
