I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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