omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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