he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
