is your mom at the bar?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
