Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
