I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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