sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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