I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
