My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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