I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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