we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
