not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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