...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
