Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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