My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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