I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
