there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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