Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
