i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
