i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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