being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
