oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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