Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
