help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
