I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The uberlube is also flammable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is Oprah even human
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
