Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
