definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
