i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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