I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
