As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
