how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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