My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
