im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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