Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
