Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
