Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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