I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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