please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
