I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
