best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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