There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
