A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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