there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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