she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
