I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Randomize
