arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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