i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
