Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
