Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
