It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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