Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
